Preschool Behavior Blog

2008-08-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

Don't Fight Fire With Fire

At times, children's emotion's run hot and may erupt into a conflagration, if not a towering inferno. When confronted by fire, our basic instincts direct us to defend ourselves and our natural tendency is to fight back to extinguish the flames. However, our response to children's behavior can prove to be as scorching as the behavior itself and result in increasing the intensity of the situation. Like firefighters, sometimes its best to evacuate all nearby residents, safeguard the neighborhood and let the fire burn itself out. Other times, a response that flows like cool soothing water is best when trying to douse the flames.

Like most other natural disasters, prevention is key to mitigating the effects of fire. Establishing a safe and secure learning environment that provides regularity and routine, as well as provides clear boundaries and expectations will be key to children's stability and success. Taking time to help children develop socially and emotionally will help eliminate episodes of spontaneous combustion or stop small fires from growing into wildfires. Smokey gave us good advice when he said, "Only you can prevent forest fires." What sort of behavioral fire prevention are you conducting with children at home or at your child care program?

2008-01-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Joe

Joe was impulsive at preschool, having difficulty sitting still or participating in daily activities. As he moved about the classroom, he tended to go over, under or through objects or individuals in his way. He hit. He ignored constant attempts by his caregivers to redirect his behavior. Joe had learned how to attract attention and control his environment throught his disruptive and defiant behavior.

Like most children, Joe performed well in situations where he was provided with individualized attention. A caregiver worked with him for an hour each week, one-on-one, focusing on Joe's ability to stay on-task and developing the social skills that would lead to more appropriate interactions with others. He was cooperative during these individual sessions . . . until it was time to terminate the activity and for Joe to return to normal preschool activities. This transition, initiated by the caregiver, triggered all the troublesome behaviors the session was designed to diminish. Despite efforts to prompt or prepare him for the transition, it always ended with the same, unpleasant outcome. For several weeks this continued until the caregiver struck upon an idea. By giving Joe the responsibility for terminating the activity, might the transition be acheived successfully? Perhaps this approach woul help build feelings of confidence and competence, as well as meet his need for attention and control.

At the beginning of the very next session with Joe, the caregiver removed his watch and pointing to the big hand said, "When the hand reaches here, at the number two, it will be time for me to leave." Handing Joe his watch, he asked, "Would you hold my watch and keep track of the time?" Joe, excited by having the resonsibility for such an important possession, readily agreed. So Joe and his caregiver played together and, by happenstance, worked on sharing, following directions, taking turns and finishing activities, among other things. From time to time, the caregiver would ask to see the watch and, by pointing out the big hand, helped Joe determine whether the hand reached the assigned time. "Since the big hand hasn't reached the number two, can I stay and play?" inquired the caregiver. "Yes" responded Joe happily. Finally, when they reached the assigned time, the caregiver asked with some foreboding, "The big hand has reached the number two, what do I need to do?" "You need to leave" Joe said confidently. So, without fuss or complication, the caregiver retrieved his watch and did just that. And Joe, who was given the attention and control he desired, returned to his normal activities.

2007-05-29T06:11:00.000-07:00

Wellness

The term "wellness" is often used to describe the efforts we make in regards to taking care of our physical and spiritual well-being. Wellness may be associated with particular activities that promote good health, such as; smoking cessation programs, diets, meditation, aerobics training or yoga. If we are fortunate, we are able to incorporate these activities into our daily lives and affect an overall lifestyle change. Ultimately, the context of wellness addresses our desire to be healthy adults.

In addition, the term wellness might also be used in the context of how we envision young children becoming healthy adults. We often address this in terms of specific skills children need to acquire in order to be successful however, we might also consider this in the context how to support the development of healthy personalities in young children. What personality traits or attributes do young children need to develop to become healthy adults? Here are six to consider:

Sense of Future When children have a sense of the future they know they have choices. They can construct an image in their mind that helps them see what's ahead . . . and that things are going to turn out alright. We associate vision, wisdom and patience with a sense of future.

Sense of Appreciation Children appreciate what they have and also demonstrate value in others. They try to know and understand who others are. We associate sensitivity, acceptance, respect and inclusion with a sense of appreciation.

Sense of Togetherness Children spend time with others engaged in meaningful activities where they interact and participate together. We associate cooperation and trust with time together.

Sense of Emotional Balance Children find healthy ways to moderate their emotional and physical reactions to stressful situations. We associate stability and discipline with managing stress.

Sense of Open Communication Children listen and learn . . . and are genuinely interested in what others are saying. We associate expression, listening and interest with communication.

Sense of Commitment Children set goals for themselves and realize them even under adversity. We associate integrity and confidence with a sense of commitment.

We can teach specific skills that will help children develop their social, emotional, language and cognitive abilities. However, in regards to promoting wellness in the context of children's healthy personality, look to your childcare environment to determine whether it reflects the values or attributes we seek to instill in young children. Are children treated with wisdom and patience, cooperation and trust, stability and limits, openness and interest or integrity and confidence during their childcare experience? Providing a childcare experience that promotes these qualities or attributes is the most appropriate way to assure the development of children's emotional health and well-being.

2007-05-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Rewards

Whether in conjunction with a behavior program or in our everyday interactions with young children, we employ different methods to reinforce or reward behavior. The most common and effective method is for caregivers to target their attention and affection to children for appropriate behavior. More on this later.

One method employed by caregivers to reward or reinforce behavior is the use of tangibles. A tangible, by definition, is something that is real. . . something that can be touched, appraised or valued. One popular tangible used by caregivers are stickers. These are awarded to children when they participate, cooperate or just for a job well done. Stickers provide immediate rewards for children's behavior however, they have little intrinsic value and tend not to be able to reinforce behavior over the long term. Once given, stickers quickly lose their importance and, contrary to definition, they quickly become unstuck. Hand stamps or stick-on tattoos can also be used to reward compliance but their power to affect behavior soon fades as well. Another method using tangibles is the prize box or the "Treasure Chest". These are generally used by caregivers to reward children for appropriate behavior over an extended period of time, for example a day or, more often, a week at a time. However, an arbitrary schedule of rewards may not be appropriate for many children beset with problem behavior as they may require more immediate or frequent rewards to support their needs. They often experience feelings of loss as their peers are awarded prizes and they are not. Unfortunately, these feelings will have an overall negative impact on behavior. Food or sweets are often used as tangible rewards for appropriate behavior. Like stickers, they are useful as immediate rewards but have little long term value once ingested. For health and dietary reasons alone, sweets are a poor choice to reward or reinforce behavior.

While we might consider the manner in which a caregiver attends to or demonstrates affection for children as an intangible, don't underestimate it's importance in affecting behavior. Children respond to these intangibles as an affirmation of the value we ascribe them as individuals of worth, competence and capacity. These gestures are reassuring to young children whose emerging developmental skills may leave them ill-prepared for the vicissitudes of the childcare environment, particularly for children experiencing problem behavior. Therefore, the personal relationship caring adults establish with children will have a more potent effect on behavior than any tangible reward we could offer. Moreover, the success of most relationships doesn't depend on material goods or things, but flourishes because it provides each individual the opportunity to participate in or contribute to the relationship in some meaningful way. Therefore, if you are looking to reward or reinforce children's behavior, what you can give them is an opportunity to contribute consequentially to your childcare activities. Be creative in what opportunities you provide children in regards to playing a significant role in childcare activities as a result of appropriate behavior. Recognize, as well, that you probably provide some opportunities at present, but not realize it. These opportunites may be called; door holder, line leader, flag holder, weather spotter or table setter. Although we may consider these opportunities to participate routine, children do not.

Children should always have occasions to contribute in significant ways to their childcare experience. However, for children experiencing problem behavior, providing additional opportunities that celebrate their strengths and abilities will have lasting benefits. And, what better way to celebrate than in partnership with a caring adult.

2007-04-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

Get With the Program, Part III

After devoting my last two posts to behavior programs, I recognized I should have stated at the very beginning that I seldom use behavior programs to address behavior problems with young children. In fact, hardly ever and typically only with individual children. If you are consistent in your efforts to recognize appropriate behavior, there is not usually a need to develop a structured program to guide your interactions with children. In addition, the attention and affection we provide children when appropriate is usually all that is needed to reward or reinforce behavior. Young children may also have a difficult time understanding how a behavior program operates or, simply, they lack the interest needed participate in a program successfully. Often I find that exceptionally bright or perceptive preschoolers respond best to individual behavior programs.

Like many things in life, the motto "Keep it simple, make it fun" applies to behavior programs. In addition, for any program to work, care-givers must be invested in the success of the program and diligent in their efforts to implement it consistently each and every day. If you don't think it is important, worthwhile or fun, neither will the children. Again, I suggest that care-givers follow their daily schedule and take the opportunity to reflect with children about their behavior during transitions from one activity to another (see Get With the Program, Part II). This doesn't take long and can easily become a part of your normal daily interactions with children. Identify the total number of transitions possible from activities listed your daily schedule (let's say 12) and determine a level of success (let's say 6) that a child can achieve daily in their target behavior (let's say Safe Hands). That is, we expect children in this instance to be able to use their safe hands during at least 6 of 12 scheduled activities. For some children the level of success may be set higher, for some, the level may actually be lower. Most importantly, caregivers need to determine a level where children will experience success. If we develop unrealistic goals for children's performance our behavior program is doomed to failure. We start at achievable levels and increase expectations over time. Before you start a behavior program, let children know how the program works and the expectations for success.

Caregivers can have children chart their success with the target behavior by placing a check mark next to the activity on their daily schedule. An alternative system utilizes "tokens", such as poker chips, that are awarded to children during transitions and then deposited in a "bank". At the end of the day, the parent or caregiver can check children's progress and determine whether they had met their goal regarding the target behavior. Again, we eliminate the issue of making arbitrary decisions whether children have been good or bad and focus instead on measurable performance regarding the target behavior. Finally, be careful not to use behavior programs to threaten children, such as "You won't get a token if you keep that up!" or to penalize children for inappropriate behavior by taking away check marks or tokens earned. If there's a problem engaging in the target behavior, children will fail to earn a check mark or a token but always have the opportunity to redeem themselves and earn more. If children successfully engage in the appropriate target behavior but experience other behavior problems, they still earn a check mark or token but may face a consequence for their other misbehavior. A behavior program is like a contract with children, we can't be changing our stated expectations in response to other problems.

2007-04-03T05:39:00.000-07:00

Get With The Program, Part II

In my last post, I reviewed how caregivers typically use behavior programs to provide children with consequences for their misbehavior. However, I believe that behavior programs are most effective when used to provide a structure for caregivers to reinforce children's appropriate behavior.

I think it is important that subjective views regarding children's overall behavior be eliminated from behavior programs. My approach is to address one behavior at a time or to "target" a particular behavior. This helps to clarify the problem and move the focus from moral judgements regarding whether children have been good or bad, to particular actions or behaviors happening in real time. While there may be many behaviors that create problems, addressing one behavior at a time communicates to children that you place particular importance on that behavior and helps support a consistent approach in your efforts to address the behavior. Furthermore, if you believe a rising tide raises all boats, any improvement in the "target" behavior will be generalized to other behaviors.

Always define behavior, target or otherwise, in terms of a desired outcome. For example, if behavior is exhibited as hitting or pushing, "target" children's use of "safe hands". If the problem behaviors are running or screaming, "target" behaviors would include the use of "walking feet" and "quiet voices". In any event, whether you are using a behavior program or not, helping children focus in a positive way on their appropriate behavior will pay off in spades.

Even for children who experience significant problems in their preschool environment, the vast majority of time they are engaging in appropriate behavior or, at least, an absence of inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, we often fail to recognize and reinforce this behavior when it occurs. A behavior program is used to provide a schedule for caregivers to interact with children regarding their appropriate behavior at regular intervals throughout the day. In the daycare environment, the classroom schedule can be used to guide this interaction. As children transition from one activity to another, have them assess whether they had engaged in the "target" behavior during the preceding activity. This is not a question of whether you have been good or bad, but whether you used your "safe hands" during, for example, circle time . Children are always given the first opportunity to determine whether they had engaged in the target behavior or not. In this way, we allow children ownership in the program, as well as control over behavioral outcomes.

In an earlier post, I addressed the difficulty children have being circumspect about their behavior. So, don't be surprised when they won't acknowledge that they weren't able to engage successfully in the target behavior during the time defined by the program. We can then provide a supportive "reality check" with children to determine whether they engaged in the target behavior or not. In my next post, I'll address scoring behavior programs and rewarding children for meeting behavioral goals.

2007-03-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Get With The Program

Many child care providers utilize classroom behavior programs as a tool to influence children's behavior. Behavior programs can be as simple as using stickers to reinforce appropriate behavior to more sophisticated programs that monitor the quality of children's behavior over time using quantitative measures. These might include the use of check marks on a daily schedule, popsicle sticks placed in an envelope or, for one program I recently encountered, hole punches on an index card. Providers sometimes incorporate colors into behavior programs, for example, using the spectrum of a traffic light to denote behavioral expectations . . . green for go, yellow for slow down and red for stop. At home, behavior programs are often used in conjunction with "potty" training to support children's transition to independent toileting.

Unfortunately, many classroom behavior programs appear to be structured solely to provide a punitive response to inappropriate behavior. Often a program stands by idle or inert until misbehavior occurs, then is activated to impose a negative consequence on a child or to threaten an impending consequence. However, threats and negative outcomes are apt to increase children's levels of stress and, consequently, contribute to misbehavior. Indeed, an abrupt loss of status in a behavior program may actually trigger an outburst or tantrum. It will certainly signal trouble ahead if children perceive that a loss in program status is equivalent to "all is lost".

Recognize that young children have difficulty understanding how to integrate their behavior into an emerging concept of self. Because they tend to think in concrete terms, children may have a difficult time separating what they do from who they are. Therefore, behavior programs that focus exclusively on providing consequences for misbehavior may be contributing to feelings of loss and low self-esteem. In children's eyes, a behavior program may appear primarily as an indicator of their "goodness" or "badness" (see my post, No Bad Kids). Moreover, some care-givers may reinforce this impression of good or bad by using symbols in their behavior program that create either positive or negative associations, such as smiley faces versus "frowny" faces or promoting such concepts as green means good and red means bad. Sometimes we'll use a program to label behavior outright, leaving no doubt what we consider good or bad.

Our ability to effect children's behavior is greatly diminished when we approach these programs only as tools to consequence misbehavior. When control of the program is administered by the caregiver, there is little motivation for children to make an effort to modify their behavior or, moreover, participate in the program in any meaningful way. For behavior programs to be successful, they should provide frequent opportunities for providers to interact with young children regarding appropriate behavior, as well as provide children with opportunities to participate in the program in meaningful ways. More on this in my next post.

2007-02-24T10:29:00.000-08:00

Teams

I have been somewhat neglectful in keeping up my posts of late, as some of you have pointed out to me. It seems that I am busier than usual at this time of year and that many of the families of the children I have been seeing are in crisis and trying to manage as best they can under incredible stress. While this has often been the case with the children and families I have worked with over the years, it seems more so now, than ever before. I know in my day-to-day interactions with other care-givers, they have also expressed that the children we now serve present greater challenges than those in our care not so long ago.

Recently, I have been talking to a number of parents about the importance of "teams" in providing for the needs of children and families. The team approach is not only important in the assessment and delivery of services for children, but it provides a structure for care-givers to provide each other with mutual support, both professionally and emotionally, as they move forward. Generally, I see success as care-givers come together as team players in support of children and families. However, within the larger context of the local community I serve, we often seem unwilling or unable to come together to develop a positive environment in which to work on common goals and to provide mutual support. Attitudes range from anger, resentment and personal animosity to apathy, indifference and disinterest. We pursue what benefits our narrow interests, not what is in the best interest of everyone. We accept financial support and consider it an entitlement. We've come to expect a helping hand, but are unwilling to extend our hand in appreciation. We engage in the politics of personal destruction, attacking or denigrating those individuals or groups who disagree with us, even though they share our common goals. We complain bitterly, but can't be bothered to try to make a positive contribution. These attitudes seem to pervade our small community of providers and professionals. . . and we have come to accept and tolerate this behavior.

Our obligations to serve the needs of children and families in our community require us to find ways for us, as individuals, and the institutions we represent to work together with mutual respect. I offer these "Team Commandments" as a way that may help create a community of childcare providers, advocates and professionals who work together in a positive and supportive manner. They may help with your team too.

1. Speak positively about each other and about our organizations at every opportunity.

2. Help each other to be right, not wrong.

3. Look for ways to make things work, not for reasons they won't.

4. Help each other win, and take pride in each others victories.

5. Compliment often.

6. Recognize that your constituents are not an interruption to your work, but reason for it.

7. Realize that "being right" is irrelevant. It's other's perception that counts.

8. Maintain a positive mental outlook.

9. Sacrifice for the good of the team.

10. Participate and have fun.

2007-01-18T08:26:00.000-08:00

Self-Injurious Behavior

As child care providers, we have grown accustomed to children who sometimes act aggressively toward others. There may be times, however, when we observe young children who engage in self-injurious behavior. Self-injurious behavior is usually associated with temper tantrums experienced by children under three years of age. Self-injurious behavior is often exhibited as head-banging . . . although some children have been observed to hit, bite or even to scratch themselves. When we encounter young children who exhibit this type of behavior, our initial reaction may be one of shock and dismay, often followed by uncertainty regarding how to appropriately respond to this behavior.

Tantrums are a result of intense feelings of anger or frustration overwhelming children's capacity for self-control, leaving feelings to be expressed, or acted-out, through their behavior. While tantrums can be quite dramatic, these outbursts often lack focus or organization . . . what we might describe as a "meltdown". At times, tantrums may be directed toward individuals or objects in the immediate environment and exhibited as unsafe or aggressive behaviors. These behaviors might include hitting and biting or the destruction of property, such as turning over chairs or tearing the pages of a storybook. Occasionally, young children will express these strong feelings through self-injurious behavior.

Closely monitor children's behavior whenever tantrums occur. If children act to injure themselves or others, our immediate response must be to ensure safety. In the case of self-injurious behavior, this may require that the provider intervene with children during their tantrum using gentle, physical redirection. Our aim is not to provide physical control of children during this time of stress, but to avert an action where children attempt, for example, to scratch or bite themselves. In the case of headbanging, gently placing your hand on or under the child's head will help limit the force of the impact. Another alternative would be to introduce a soft item, such as a pillow or mat, on which children might direct their behavior.

I usually refrain from interacting with children during temper tantrums unless their behavior presents a threat to themselves or others. My goal is to provide for safety and not to reinforce inappropriate behavior with undue attention. Recognize, however, with aggressive or self-injurious behaviors any attempts by a care-giver to exert physical control over children may actually escalate the behavior. A firm, respectful and supportive approach is best during these turbulent times. At every other time, focus on developing children's social and emotional skills, as well as other developmental abilities. This includes helping children explore feelings or emotions, develop problem-solving skills and using language to express needs. These skills are fundamental in helping children express strong feelings and to regulate their behavior. As these skills develop, the frequency and intensity of tantrums and associated behaviors should diminish.

Most care-givers exposure to self-injurious behavior will be in terms of typically developing children. In some cases, however, self-injurious behavior may be associated with severe developmental delays or indicative of a mental health problem. Be aware of self-injurious behavior not associated with tantrums or that may appear rhythmic or repetitive. In addition, be aware of more subtle behaviors, such as when children frequently pick at their skin or pull at their hair. This behavior may indicate problems if it results in open wounds, sores or hair loss. In particular, if you observe children using objects to cut or pierce their skin, seek immediate assistance.

2007-01-10T05:27:00.000-08:00

Pull-Over Prophecies

In my visits to child care facilities over the years, I've spent a considerable amount of time observing children's behavior. However, I never paid much attention to what children were wearing, except to note whether their clothes were clean, in good condition and appropriate for the weather. Recently, I started to pay more attention to the messages that are incorporated into children's clothing. Many carry a statement or a label that, presumably, describes the child or the child's behavior or attitude. Out of curiosity, I started to record some of these descriptions.

Before reviewing the results of my survey of children's attire, allow me to make some broad generalizations about my observations of "child care wear". I would note that most young children wear pull-overs, which makes considerable sense due to their emerging fine motor skills and the challenges presented by buttons and zippers. Girls appear to wear more colorful clothing, such as pink or violet, that sometimes feature embroidery, sparkles or even rhinestones. Boys often wear solid colors, dark greens or blues, although camouflage or sports stripes are not unusual.

Whether or not a label or description imprinted on children's clothes represents an accurate portrayal of children or children's behavior, it often reflects care-giver's beliefs regarding those children. At one time, those beliefs might have been summed up in this way; "Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails". Unfortunately, this old adage appears to be the recepient of a modern make-over, losing its innocent quality and taking a more indulgent view of children and their behavior. According to the labels I observed on children's clothes, girls are no longer "nice" but, "Adorable", an "Angel" or a "Princess", "It's All About Me" and "Small But Feisty". Boys are no longer like "puppy dog tails" but, "Mommy's Little Monster", "No Pain, No Game", "Allergic to my Sister", a "Commando" or "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Been".

Attitudes or beliefs can be a powerful force that affect children's behavior. If a care-giver labels children as "Princesses" or "Trouble" or "Feisty", there will be a tendency by the care-giver to treat those children accordingly. If children are treated as "Princesses" or "Trouble" or "Feisty" , there will be a tendency by those children to act that way and, eventually, be that way. Thus, the care-giver creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where their belief about children becomes reality. Therefore, be aware of how your beliefs and attitudes toward children, particularly individual children, affect your demeanor and behavior.

For me, my attitude toward my work with young children and the people who care for them is as simple as the statement I observed on one little boy's shirt . . . it proclaimed; "Life is good".

2006-12-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

Whoppers

In my last post, I discussed children being able to take responsibility for their behavior. While visiting a child care center recently, the teacher and I responded to an incident on the playground where two boys were playing together in the sand. To his credit, one boy was sitting calmly in the sandbox spitting out a generous amount of sand. The other, holding a small scoop in his hand, saw our approach and exclaimed "He made me put the sand in his mouth!" This, of course, wasn't true and I almost laughed out loud that the child might think we would accept such a preposterous explanation. However, it is not unusual for children to deflect blame for their inappropriate behavior, such as the child did with the sand. Perhaps the thinking may be something like, "I'll admit that I did it, but will give you any number of outlandish reasons that may justify my behavior". Other times, children will deny any complicity whatsoever in the behavior, even thought they know it was witnessed by others, including the care provider. They may use the classic divert and blame approach where they point to the nearest available child and indicate, "He did it". Or, like a bad horror movie, they may appear as if their evil twin briefly seized possession of their body and took control of their actions.

While these behaviors are not unusual, they can be a source of great irritation and worry for caregivers. Quite simply, the response to this behavior is to consider it lying. Although lying is not one of the seven deadly sins, it could be regarded as a good candidate for number eight given the importance we place on individuals being honest and truthful. Therefore, should a behavior that is not tolerated in older children, adolescents or adults be considered differently in young children? Should a propensity for telling untruths cause us concern that young children will grow up to be perpetual liars?

Young children are early in the process of learning moral behavior . . . understanding the difference between right and wrong across a variety of situations or social settings. While we endeavor to teach appropriate behavior to young children, morality is developed over time and through the assimilation of life experience. When young children "lie" it is usually without guile or deceit and typically in response to a natural impulse to avoid negative consequences. This lack of deception or understanding of the dynamics of telling lies is often demonstrated by telling "whoppers", such as the young child with the shovel who claimed that the other child made him put sand in his mouth. Young children are just not aware of how absurd their excuses may be. Instead of taking offense, correct the behavior by articulating appropriate limits and providing consequences if needed. This is one way we help assure that young children will develop strong moral character.

2006-12-11T10:43:00.000-08:00

No Bad Kids

It's just too hard for me to be good all day. I'll end up exceeding the speed limit or running a yellow light on the way to work. I'll make other bad choices as well, such as leaving my healthy lunch from home and running out to Jack in the Box for a Jumbo Jack burger with curly fries and a Coke. The quarterly report to my supervisor will inevitably be late. So, if I have made some major mistakes in my behavior today, does that make me bad? I hope most reasonable people would say no, that I am generally a "good kid" who follows the rules and completes my tasks in a timely and professional manner. More importantly however, despite all my shortcomings, I am able to look at myself in a positive way, as a competent individual worthy of attention and respect . . . even of love.

With children, we often address behavior as an all or nothing proposition . . . you've either been good or you've been bad. For example, at the start of the day we may direct children to "Be good" and, at the end of the day ask them "Have you been good today?" Given the demands of a preschool environment, coupled with children's still emerging social and emotional skills, odds are that they haven't really been "good" in the way we hope or envision it. Care givers often make the mistake that young children can be circumspect about their behavior and able to assess whether they have been good or bad. Even if children were able to objectively evaluate their own actions, being able to "own-up" to inappropriate behavior may prove difficult even for the most responsible and mature adult. It is in our nature to try to protect the concept we have of ourselves as good and decent individuals by denying or deflecting the less than perfect aspects of our behavior (see my post, Biting VI, about Ego Defenses). When our focus with children is on "being good", we run the danger that they may have a difficult time separating particular inappropriate behavior with their overall feeling or concept of themselves. Particularly for children whose behavior receives frequent intervention by providers, they may develop a negative impression of themselves. This may also be reflected by other children in the learning environment when they use statements, such as; "He's bad".

To avoid this good versus bad dilemma, I focus instead on specific behavior. If the behavior problem is aggression, my interaction with children might address their use of safe hands. If the problem is oppositional behavior, I might focus on specific cooperative behaviors, such as children's inability to participate during a circle activity or to put materials away when asked. Label the specific misbehavior and address problems in a heirarchy of importance . . . the most critical first. For less critical problems, give yourself permission to allow children errors in judgement or behavior. Like other developmental skills, it may take some time to get behavior correct and constant intervention tends to become unpleasant and stressful for both children and providers alike. Finally, focus on all the appropriate things children do each and every day, it builds competence, confidence and self-esteem.

2006-11-29T05:19:00.000-08:00

More on Maturity

Some large child care centers are able to provide individual classroom environments for children whose chronological ages closely approximate each another. Although accommodating children of the same age, teachers recognize that these children may possess a wide range of developmental skills. Nevertheless, these classroom environments contain a fairly uniform or homogeneous group of children. Such a classroom provides many advantages for care givers in their ability to provide children with quality care including; providing age-appropriate materials and creating schedules and routines that meet most children's requirements for learning and play. However, for other child care programs, a lack of resources often require that children of disparate or diverse age groups be served in the same classroom. This creates additional challenges for teachers as they endeavor to meet the needs of children whose range of skills and abilities are broad and far-reaching. To their credit, teachers do a tremendous job coping with these challenges and providing for the unique needs of their children.

These situations often occur when children "graduate" from one classroom to another. The transitions that a two-year-old makes moving to a three-year-old classroom can be particularly difficult. We often address this as a "maturity" issue regarding children who are no longer appropriate to be served in their previous classroom but whose social, emotional, communication or cognitive skills leave them unprepared for the expectations that accompany their new learning environment. If the transition proves particularly difficult or is protracted over a long period of time, questions may also arise whether the problems children encounter are the result of immaturity or may due to a developmental delay. Because it may be difficult to determine what the basis of the problem may be, seeking additional assistance and support to assess the situation is always recommended.

When children are under stress or feeling anxious, it is not unusual for them to act immaturely or regress to behaviors that they had outgrown including; thumb sucking, nightmares, bed-wetting or "baby-talk". In addition, other indicators associated with immature behavior such as; increased activity levels, impulsivity and inattention may be pronounced when children are anxious or stressed. For suggestions regarding managing these behaviors, refer to my posts on anxiety and basic needs.

2006-11-16T08:42:00.000-08:00

Maturity

Recently, I received several phone calls from child care providers regarding children who were having difficulty participating and cooperating in typical classroom activities. They reported active or impulsive behavior and difficulty interacting with other children . . . sometimes accompanied by hitting, pushing or other types of aggression. In each of these instances, the underlying issue appeared to be related to the child's maturity, or lack thereof.

Maturity is difficult to measure in young children. We know that children's chronological age contributes to maturity and that children should possess greater levels of maturity as they grow older. In addition, we observe that gender can also play a role with maturity and that girls often appear to mature earlier than boys. However, if I was to consider what attributes children possess that correspond to maturity, I might offer an oversimplified analogy to the baking of a cake. We would substitute our basic ingredients of flour, sugar and water with three new components; social skills acquisition, emotional development and cognitive ability. These components represent children's mastery of the principles that govern social interaction; the ability to identify and, to some degree, regulate emotion and, finally; thinking, reasoning and problem solving skills. Having assembled these ingredients and mixed them together, one final step is required before the mixture is transformed into a cake. Traditionally, the recipe calls for a baking process that requires the application of temperature over time and results in our ingredients melding together into a delicious dessert. With our cake, however, the process requires temperament and time. Temperament describes children's inclination or predisposition to modify their behavior and apply self-control, particularly in challenging situations. As you know, children can possess social, emotional and cognitive skills but still lack the inclination to modify their behavior when needed in the course of normal daily activities (sounds like a great description of a two-year-old). Time and effort are required to support children in making mature decisions regarding their behavior when their inclination may prove otherwise. Our efforts may often result in a pancake or an up-side down cake before we can successfully bake an angel food cake. Be patient, focus on your mixture of basic ingredients and allow children the flexibility to develop and grow according to their individual abilities. You won't be disappointed.

2006-10-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

Basic Needs

It is impossible to eliminate events in the lives of young children that create stress and anxiety. However, we can create an environment that enable children to weather life's storms and develop in normative ways. Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist, suggested that individuals have a hierarchy of needs in developing a healthy personality and that personal growth is dependent on whether the needs of each level of the hierarchy are satisfied.

The foundation of this hierarchy provides for an individual's basic physiological needs including; air, food, water and shelter. We are fortunate in our society that our basic needs are generally well met and that we don't suffer from the dramatic disruptions that occur to many other societies due to widespread famine, disease or displacement . . . Hurricane Katrina not withstanding. However, there are still important physiological factors to consider that contribute significantly to children's healthy development and will subsequently support appropriate behavior including; diet, sleep and exercise. Providing a healthy diet, sleep that is free of disturbance or disruption and generous amounts of outdoor physical exercise are fundamental supports to young children's development, in addition to helping them combat stress and anxiety. In particular, sleep problems can have a significant impact on children's behavior, as well as affect their ability to process and retain information.

The second level of Maslow's hierarchy of healthy personality addresses an individual's need for safety and security. For young children, this means providing an environment that provides stability, structure and order. One way we accomplish this is by having routines that create comfortable rhythms for children. In a child care environment, we may formalize these routines into written schedules or daily lesson plans. Another critical component to this concept of security is providing children with clear limits or boundaries. Like a driver's manual, boundaries provide children with critical instructions on how to navigate within their environment. Without them, they will certainly veer off course, if not experience frequent mishaps on their journey through childhood. Ultimately, children's safety and security depend on our ability to protect children from danger or injury. In the childcare environment, at home or in the community, supervision of young children is required at all times.

Maslow's hierarchy of personality goes on to address our need for love and belonging, as well as the need for respect and esteem from others. Recognize, however, that children's behavior is often the result of their basic needs not being met. Until we address those needs, our efforts regarding children's behavior may prove ineffectual.

2006-10-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

Triggers, Feelings and Anxiety

After eliminating possible triggers in the child care environment that might initiate bouts of crying with our 4 year-old, it was time to look at other "outside" factors that might be contributing to her behavior. While these triggers may be far removed from the child care environment in terms of time and space, they can still significantly effect children's behavior.

Triggers, in and of themselves, are merely actions or events. However, children associate particular feelings with those actions and express them through their behavior. If the feelings are intense enough, they may be expressed immediately and, perhaps, dramatically. At other times, children may carry these feelings with them where they may emerge at unexpected moments in time, if at all. Anger and frustration are two feelings often associated with children's misbehavior. One other feeling, often overlooked, is anxiety.

Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension, fear or worry. Adults have developed skills in managing anxiety, particularly the ability to put problems in perspective. That is, being able to recognize that many problems are temporary in nature and resolutions, while not immediately evident, will likely be found. Young children are still developing the emotional skills needed to cope with life's challenges, so their anxiety often overwhelm them. What are these challenges? We need look no further than our little girl who cries. Within the last six months there had been a death in the family. A parent had lost employment. Recently, an older sibling had left the household due to conflict with a parent. On their own, each of these events might have proved too much for this little girl to manage. The combination. . . devastating.

Recognize the many challenges families face and the affect on young children. Some challenges we may see infrequently: sickness, hospitalization and death; frequent moves or homelessness; substance abuse, mental illness and domestic violence. Poverty and crime. Others more frequently, such as the time apart children spend daily from their families, separation and divorce. Where do we start in helping young children with these myriad challenges? More in my next post.

2006-10-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

Triggers

Recently I had a child care provider call me regarding a 4 year-old who was crying. The little girl cried nearly every day and would literally cry for hours. At the time of the call, the crying behavior had been going on for more than a week and the provider was feeling exasperated and near to the end of her "rope". She had tried comforting the child, ignoring the behavior. . . nothing seemed to work. To address this little girl's crying, it was important to examine what factors may be triggering or contributing to her unhappy state of affairs.

Triggers are actions or events that initiate a behavioral response. We can usually identify these triggers through careful observation, recognizing the relationship between an event and children's corresponding behavior. Once identified, we can work to eliminate or orchestrate the triggering event to bring about a different behavioral outcome. For example, transitions from one activity to another are often difficult for young children. Recognizing that transitions often trigger oppositional behavior, we can try to orchestrate the transition in such a way to minimize potential problems, such as; singing a transition song, dimming the lights in the room or something as simple as providing extra time for the transition to occur. However, some behaviors may appear spontaneously and without an apparent triggering event. For the little girl with the crying behavior, there didn't appear to be a trigger the provider could identify from within the childcare environment. We carefully considered possible factors that might contribute to the child's behavior, such as; peer relations, provider-child relations, schedules, routines and activities, among others. Having eliminated every possibility, it was time to consider whether events taking place outside of the child care environment may be contributing to the crying behavior.

First, let me elaborate a bit more about triggers and behavior. Children's behavior may represent an unconscious response to an event or it may result from a process that is conscious and premeditated. In either circumstance, feelings play an important role in children's behavior, as will be demonstrated with the little girl who cries.

2006-10-10T05:40:00.000-07:00

How Much Time...Away?

Many parents and providers use the one minute rule where children are "sentenced" to serve one minute in Time Out for every year of their age. Therefore, a two year-old would serve two minutes, a three year-old three minutes, etc. Unfortunately, two, three or more minutes can seem an eternity to young children and an extended Time Out can easily lead to feelings of anger and frustration that, in turn, may make it more difficult for children to manage their behavior. In Time Away, the initial consequence lasts only as long as children need to compose themselves and appear ready to return to normal activities. This may be a very short period of time, perhaps a matter of only 15-20 seconds. Again, our purpose is not to punish children or "teach them a lesson", but to separate them from the source of the problem and any attention that may reinforce misbehavior. We want to return children as quickly as possible to their normal activities and routines as they promote feelings of continuity, comfort and a sense of security. An environment that is nurturing and safe enables parents and providers in the real work of behavior change. . . encouraging and supporting children's appropriate behavior.

An inevitable question is "What do I do if the behavior continues?" The answer is not always clear and you may need to follow your heart as to your next action regarding a child. If another Time Away is appropriate, simply add some additional time after the child is calm or composed. Be reasonable, as our aim is to return the child as quickly as possible to normal activities.

2006-09-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

Time Away and Attention

Time Away has many similarities to Redirection, where children are directed away from the source of the problem and engaged in other activities with other children or with a provider. Time Away differs from Redirection in that children aren't given the opportunity to interact with others when separated and directed to another activity. Please note, however, in many early childhood classroom programs, any separation of a child from their peer group is considered punishment and both Time Out and Time Away are disallowed.

The theory behind Time Away is to separate children, not only from the source of the problem, but from sources of attention in the environment that reinforce behavior. Attention is a powerful influence on behavior, that is, the more attention you provide to a particular behavior or behaviors, the more likely those behavior/s will continue to occur. This holds true whether the behavior is considered appropriate or inappropriate. Typically, we provide attention or "attend to" misbehavior by interacting verbally with children. Often this takes the form of trying to direct, question or reason with children. In addition, we attend to misbehavior through facial expressions, gestures or even how our body is positioned in relation to the child in the environment. When we add emotion, we amplify our attention and create an experience that children perceive ultimately as either negative or positive. When we respond to misbehavior with negative emotion, such as anger or frustration, levels of stress increase and avenues of communication with children break down. Children end up focusing on the provider's demeanor, not on the problem, and may actually escalate their behavior in response to a perceived threat. Therefore, it is important when we employ Time Away, or any other consequence for misbehavior, not only to provide children with minimal attention but reflect an attitude of love and respect.

Even young children who are perceived to have behavior problems participate and cooperate in most daily activities at home or school. Unfortunately, this appropriate behavior is often overlooked or unnoticed. Our tendency is to over-respond to misbehavior and under-respond when children are acting appropriately. Our challenge is to change the dynamics of how we provide attention and emotion to children's behavior. Children will learn what actions receive the most attention and emotion and will adjust their behavior accordingly.

2006-09-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

Time Out and Time Away

In my previous post, I discussed Time Out and how attitude affects how we impose consequences with children. Typically, we respond to inappropriate behavior by exerting our power and dominance over children. This response is often instinctual in nature and may be driven by what we perceive as a threat to our authority. Recognize, however, that it is next to impossible for a preschool child to have authority over an adult. It is most likely that we allow ourselves to feel threatened where no real threat exists. And while Time Out is not designed to be punitive, it often becomes an ugly or harsh experience for children when adults associate negative emotions, such as; anger, frustration or humiliation in the Time Out experience. Recognize, however, that even when we disassociate negative emotions from our discipline, many children, nevertheless, will respond with difficulty to consequences. No one likes to have limits placed on their behavior and will naturally react to forces in the environment that provide those boundaries.

In Time Away, our attitude shifts away from power and dominance over the child, to one in which the adult's demeanor is supportive but devoid of attention. In providing consequences to inappropriate behavior using Time Away, we project an attitude akin to; "I'm so sorry that you've decided to act this way, you'll just have to go elsewhere until you are able to act appropriately." This is not accomplished by talking to the child, but by a gentle and respectful separation or redirection of the child away from sources of attention in the environment, particularly other children or adults. Therefore, if you're at home and a child is acting out, the child could be redirected to a number different areas within the household or even outside. In a child care situation, the child could be directed to a different learning center or area within the child care environment separate from adults or peers. The child is free to play or engage in appropriate activities in that particular setting. At home, this does not include watching television or playing video games, as these activities tend to reward or reinforce behavior.

Time Out or Time Away should only be used when other efforts have failed to help children with their behavior. Monitor children for safety at all times and be particularly vigilant when providing consequences, as children may have difficulty coping appropriately with their feelings. Next post will address the power of attention and how it relates to Time Away.

2006-08-24T06:11:00.000-07:00

Consequences
Time Out and Time Away

In my ruminations regarding biting behavior, I reviewed factors that contribute to biting and interventions you can use to encourage appropriate behavior. What I didn't address, and what many of you may have been waiting for, are a review of appropriate consequences to biting behavior. I believe consequences are essential in helping children develop internal control mechanisms that enable them to manage their own actions. However, real behavior change occurs as a result of caregivers focusing on children's appropriate behavior and investing the time in helping children acquire social skills, understand feelings and develop problem-solving abilities. In the scheme of things, consequences are fairly easy, we intervene and move on. On the other hand, supporting appropriate behavior and teaching new skills requires discipline, patience and the willingness to devote valuable time to guide and support children's' behavior each and every day. It also takes practice, for we fall into old habits of over-responding to problem behavior and under-attending to appropriate behavior.

OK, having said my peace regarding supporting appropriate behavior, just how do we consequence inappropriate behavior? I like to use something called Time Away. Most of us have heard of and many of you may employ an consequence called Time Out. In Time Out, the child typically is directed to a particular area, often a corner or a chair, in response to problem behavior. The caregiver's attitude in implementing Time Out is usually punitive in nature, that is, our outward demeanor projects a feeling that "You've been bad and I am punishing you". In a very up-front and often negative manner, the caregiver projects their power over the child to interrupt the immediate behavior problem and present an uncomfortable consequence that will, hopefully, discourage the child from engaging in that behavior in the future. Indeed, Time Out may achieve the desired result...the cessation of the problem behavior and a deterrence for the child to engage in that behavior in the future. However, for many children, Time Out often generates feelings of resentment toward the caregiver. Children may indignantly comply with the consequences of a Time Out, or might just as easily tantrum or escalate to oppositional and defiant behavior. Like all of us, young children experience the need for self-determination and control over their environment. A Time Out may actually be perceived by children as an offense to their dignity. Might we not feel the same way if we were in their shoes?

More about Time Out and Time Away in my next post.

2006-08-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

Attention and Emotion

Children will modify their behavior based upon feedback they receive from the surrounding environment. If the environment attends or responds to inappropriate behavior, then it will perpetuate inappropriate behavior. However, if the environment attends to or reinforces appropriate behavior, then more appropriate behavior will ensue, much to the delight of caregivers. Labeled praise helps the child clarify what specific behavior/s are targeted for attention by the caregiver. This doesn't necessarily result in a eureka moment, where the child suddenly realizes "Hey! Whenever I use my safe hands with my friends, my caregivers shower me with love and attention so I'll just use my safe hands more often" (although this may very well take place). Usually, it is a more subtle or unconcious process that takes place, but it is still successful in modifying behavior.

Emotion amplifies our attending behavior. We often respond to problem behaviors with negative emotion; a raised voice, piercing stare or furrowed brow and a wagging finger. This negative emotion makes your attention that much more potent and reinforces the inappropriate behavior. It also increases levels of stress for all parties involved, making communication and problem-solving more difficult and increasing the chances of additional behavior problems. So, for inappropriate behavior, limit the amount of attention you provide and manage negative emotions. For appropriate behavior, pay close attention and use labeled praise liberally, as well as employ all your positive emotions, such as smiling, intonation of voice and nurturing touch. This is important not only in increasing your level of attention, but it also communicates to children that you are a caregiver who values them as individuals and are worthy of their trust. Cooperation and compliance improves with children who trust their caregiver.

Attending to behavior using labeled praise and positive emotion work effectively with young children or preschoolers. However, don't be surprised when you try to use these techniques with older children that they consider you odd, silly or even worse. These children have matured and a more mature approach is needed to address their problem behavior.

2006-07-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

Preschool Wisdom

The Toddler's Creed

If I like it, it's mine.

If I want it, it's mine.

If it's in my hand, it's mine.

If I think it's mine, it's mine.

If it looks like mine, it's mine.

If I can take it from you, it's mine.

If I give it to you and want it later, it's mine.

If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.

2006-07-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

Biting Hurts VIII
Attending To Behavior

Paying attention to appropriate behavior is an effective strategy to teach social skills and address particular behavior problems. Simply stated, catch children "being good". However, it's not enough just to provide praise, such as "good job" or "awesome", it is also important to detail or label the behavior in which the child is engaged. For example, in biting behavior, recognize any moment in time (teachable moment) when a child physically interacts with another child in an appropriate way (particularly in stressful situations or under conditions that have been recognized to trigger biting behavior) and reinforce the behavior using labeled praise such as, "I like the way you are playing safely with your friend. Good Job!" For climbing behavior, the labeled praise might go something like, "I like the way you are keeping your feet on the floor. Way to go!" During cooperative play, such as when two children are working on a puzzle together, the caregiver might state, "I like the way you are sharing your toy with your friend! Awesome".

Being more aware of our behavior also helps us to be more in control over our behavior. For many of our toddlers and two's, behavior is the result of impulsive or unconcious processes. Before children can make good decisions or choices regarding their actions, they must first experience a greater awareness or realization of their immediate behavior. Labeled praise serves the purpose of helping call childrens' attention to their behavior.

Labeled praise also sends a message that caregivers find particular behaviors more important or "praiseworthy" than others and that they will seek out children who engage in these behaviors to provide them with attention. The need for attention is a powerful motivator that shapes childrens' behavior. If caregivers' consistantly attend to appropriate behavior and minimize the amount of attention they provide in response to inappropriate behavior, children will modify their behavior accordingly. More on this later.

2006-07-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

Biting Hurts VII
Start Statements

Since toddlers and two's are learning the rules regarding appropriate behavior, I keep verbal instruction short, simple and non-confrontational. First, avoid the "no", "stop" and "don't" words or variations on the theme, such as "quit it" and "uh, uh, uh". Think of what it is that you want the child to do, not what you want the child to stop doing. Then, state it in simple, positive and universal terms. In the case of biting, the statement might be "We play safely with our friends" or "We use our teeth to chew food" (I'm not concerned whether the child might be aware of any implied meaning, such as, "We don't chew our friends!"). In response to climbing behavior, we might state "Our feet stay on the floor" or, in the case of hitting or pushing, it might be "We use our safe hands with Joe". Because we are so often used to responding to child's behavior in negative terms, it will take time and practice to be able to quickly identify the desired behavior and state it in a calm and precise manner. Ultimately, what we are really accomplishing with these young children is social skills instruction through the review, reiteration and reflection of rules which govern social behavior.

Now, whether these young children will heed our attempts to enlighten them to the social graces is an entirely other matter. In particular, toddlers and two's are often resistant, if not seemingly immune, to any social skills instruction. However, don't let their reticence deter you, start early in developing social skills as it will pay divideds as children mature. Attending to or, more simply put, paying attention to children when they are acting appropriately, is the most effective way to address particular behavior problems, as well teach social skills. More on this in my next post.

2006-07-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

Biting VI
Stress Factors

What should be our immediate response when a child bites? Caregivers provide a range of responses (consequences) to biting behavior including: talking to the child; assisting the child in providing aid to the victim, such as holding a cool washcloth on the injured area; time-out or a combination of all-of-the-above. I let several factors dictate my response to providing consequences to biting or other behaviors including: intensity or, the degree or magnitude of the behavior; frequency or, how often the behavior occurs; and intuition, or that combination of thought and feeling that helps take into account the unique needs of the child and the circumstances in which the behavior occurs. For example, an intense or frequent behavior would generally dictate that the caregiver provide a significant consequence however, intuition may guide us to a different response.

Let me be up-front, I find that consequences that involve talking to children about their behavior to be over-rated and often counter-productive, particularly with toddlers or two year-olds who haven't developed the cognitive skills or the social or emotional maturity to process opinion or reach reasoned and rational decisions about their behavior. In addition, any interaction with children in response to inappropriate behavior will create stress and, generally, stressful conditions make communication more difficult. Tone of voice and outward demeanor can add to stress, particularly if caregivers act in a harsh or severe manner. Even when no implied physical threat exists, there still may be a perception of a psychological threat when our actions or behavior are challenged by others. In theory, unconcious processes called Ego Defenses or Ego Defense Mechanisms, whose purpose is to reduce anxiety, block unwanted or undesirable information from entering our conciousness. An example of one ego defense, denial, would be if a caregiver confronted a child about inappropriate behavior and the child claimed total innocence, became argumentative or, perhaps, pointed to another child on which to lay the blame. In this instance, the child sought to avoid the anxiety that would result from the conflict created by the inappropriate behavior versus the concept or belief of being an honorable and virtuous individual. Bottom line, it's "good kid" versus "bad kid"... and denial allows none of us to be the bad kid.

So, when responding to biting behavior what can you say, if anything? And, what are appropriate consequences for biting behavior? More in my next post.

2006-07-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

Biting V
Transitions and Teachable Moments

We know that transitions are difficult for young children and that changes in schedule or routine create stress that may lead to behaviors such as biting. Schedule and routine create continuity and order in the lives of young children, enhancing their overall feelings of safety and security. Children who feel safe and secure in their environment will be happier, more compliant and less prone to act-out inappropriately in stressful situations. However, disruptions to routine and transitions from one activity to another occur daily no matter how organized or prepared caregivers may be. However, when these disruptions occur, recognize that particular attention is needed to re-establish normal order and routine. In scientific terms, its called homeostasis, or "a relatively stable state of equilibrium or a tendency toward such a state between different but interdependent elements or groups of elements of an organism, population or group".

When speaking recently with the parent's of a child who bites, we were able to identify that the child had a particularly difficult day when arriving late to the childcare program following a doctor's appointment. While the appointment disrupted the child's schedule and led to difficulty transitioning to the childcare environment, it also highlighted health issues as another source of stress for the child. It is difficult for any of us to be on our best behavior when we're not feeling well. Young children often suffer from colds, respiratory problems and stomach ailments, not to mention a whole host of other childhood illnesses. Ear infections are common in children and can be a chronic source of discomfort. Teeth are coming in. Its no wonder that young children may behave inappropriately given the all the stress they're under!

Teachable moments are unplanned and spontaneous occurences in which a caregiver recognizes special opportunities to teach or reinforce skills or behavior. These opportunities present themselves numerous times each day to the astute caregiver who is intent on supporting children's learning. For a child who bites, caregivers should look for opportunities where the child is engaged in appropriate social behavior and call their attention to it, such as when the child is cooperating with peers through sharing, taking turns or other helping behaviors. Moreover, it is critical for the caregiver to acknowledge when a child physically interacts with other children appropriately, such as recognizing their use of safe, soft or gentle hands. In addition, caregivers should also look for opportunities to help children improve their emotional skills by increasing awareness of the feelings they experience in relation to a particular situation or event. Children experience intense feelings but may not be aware that their immediate emotion is anger or frustration or sadness or one of the other innumerable feelings that make up the human experience. Recognition or awareness of an emotional state is essential in order for children to be able to make decisions about how to express those feelings appropriately. Since emotional self-awareness is rudimentary among our toddlers and two's, making good decisions about how to express strong feelings appropriately is extremely difficult and will almost always require a caregiver to provide assistance and support.

2006-07-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

Biting IV
Temperament

Stress factors, such as the arrival, or the pending arrival of a new baby in the family can contribute greatly to children's anxiety levels. Stress is a normal and natural part of daily life and often contributes to optimal performance or, what we may refer as "working best when under pressure". However, when stress becomes too overwhelming it impacts negatively on performance and may trigger inappropriate behavior.

Young children can have an extremely low tolerance to stress due to their limited social and emotional skills. However, there exists another factor that influences how children respond to stress, as well as how they engage and interact with the world around them. This factor, temperament, represents an particular emotional response that children express through characteristic or habitual behavior. These peculiar behaviors we might describe in terms of a child being generally "laid-back", "easy-going", "sensitive", "impatient" or "short-tempered". Our experience with children and observation of their emotional responses over time provide insight into temperament and how we might expect children to behave under certain conditions. In addition, experience and knowledge of children's temperament will support our efforts and intuition on how best to address problem behavior.

Developing social and emotional skills help children manage habitual behavior. For example, teaching a two year-old the process of how to appropriately engage with a peer in cooperative play can help compensate for a natural tendency for shyness (under-engagement) or for frustration and anger (over-engagement). Helping and supporting toddler's and two's in the acquistion of social and emotional skills will be the most important intervention in addressing biting and other behaviors. Toddler's and two's are not always open to direct instruction, so an indirect approach is often best. "Teachable moments" provide caregivers with numerous opportunities throughout the day to acknowledge and reinforce skills and behavior.

My next post will discuss environmental factors that affect stress, particularly the importance of schedule and routine in supporting children's behavior, as well as more about teachable moments.

2006-07-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

Biting Hurts III
Triggers and Stress

How do we determine what triggers biting behavior? First of all, I never recommend that you ask young children, particularly toddlers or two year-olds, why they bite or engage in any other particular behavior. "Why did you bite?" is a rhetorical question in which we are just giving voice to our frustration regarding the child's behavior and our inability to adequately respond to it. We never will receive a satifactory answer. Even as an adult, I'm often not able to explain why I do some of the things I do. I just do them.

As you see, behavior can be unconcious and a function of habit or impulse. Even when behavior appears purposeful, that is, apparently concious and calculated, habit and impulse can continue to be a factor in children's behavior. While children may "choose" to engage in a particular behavior, unconcious processes may still play a significant role in initiating the behavior. Unusual as it sounds, it's as if I can't help myself from deciding to act this way.

In a way, you could consider that habit and impulse trigger behavior. However, its very difficult to address a phenomenon like impulsiveness. However, we can look at stress factors that create anxiety for young children and might lead to impulsive behavior. In my conversations with parents, I am always interested in what stress factors may be present in the home environment and whether children might be responding to stress through their biting or other behaviors while at childcare. In assessing stress, first determine that the child is sleeping well, eating appropriately and getting adequate exercise. These three "legs" create a strong foundation on which to build children's behavioral skills. Disruption or loss of sleep, poor diet and lack of exercise create significant amounts of stress for a developing child. Any efforts you make to affect a positive change in behavior will be handicapped if these three basic needs are not adequately met. Other stress factors that affect children and may be present in the home environment include; sickness or death in the family, frequent moves, mental health or substance abuse issues and loss of work or income, among others. In the case of the parents I had recently met with, none of these issues appeared to factor into the biting behavior. However, one issue did present itself and that was...a new baby on the way! And, wouldn't you know it, new babies in the family can rank pretty high on children's stress scales. More about new babies, stress and triggers in my next post.

2006-07-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

Biting Hurts II
Communicating Feelings

For some odd reason, whenever I receive a referral regarding biting behavior, the image of Jaws comes to mind. No, not a Great White Shark but the 7 foot tall human nemesis in the James Bond movies; The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker. You know, the big guy with the metal teeth that could bite through just about anything and with a face only a mother could love. Perhaps, I conjure up his image because I feel that the typical toddler or two year-old who bites often gives me as much of a challenge as Jaws did with 007.

Two years-olds are full of themselves. They are so full of themselves that they have difficulty seeing beyond their own self-centered wants and needs, are full of energy, full of new skills and emerging competencies, as well as full of intense feelings that often overwhelm their still limited abilities. For example, if I am full of frustration due to a situation that occurs in my childcare environment and I haven't yet learned the expressive language skills with which to articulate those feelings or to communicate my wants or needs, I will rely on my limited repertoire of behavioral skills to express myself. Biting is about as basic a form of communication that you will find. As far as social skills, such as being able to follow guidelines that moderate interactions with others, such as sharing or taking turns or, emotional skills, such as being able regulate feelings or empathizing with others, two year-olds...well, I won't even go there.

Trying to discern what the child is communicating through biting behavior may not be clear, but providers need to explore what factors may be contributing to the behavior. These factors may be found both within the childcare environment, as well as outside of the childcare environment. Again, communication between providers and parents will help identify possible triggers to the child's biting and help determine a successful outcome to the behavior. More on triggers in my next post.

2006-07-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Biting Hurts
Sharing Information

I had the opportunity this morning to meet with the parents of a two year-old child who frequently bites while at childcare. For a variety of reasons, biting is one of the most challenging behaviors I get called about. Biting can be an emotionally charged issue which stirs strong emotions in adults. For the parents with whom I met, as with many parents of children who bite and the childcare providers who care for them, they are anxious to find a solution that will quickly remedy the problem. Often, they are experiencing feelings of frustration, guilt and embarassment associated with the child's behavior and their inability to affect positive change or to maintain a safe environment for the other children in their care. Biting often leaves visible marks on a child, which in turn, elicits strong feelings by the parents of the child who is victimized by a biter. Finding an angry-looking mouthed-shaped welt on your child's cheek will immediately envoke a viseral and instinctual response to do whatever it takes to protect your child. Don't be surprised if some parents demand that the biter be removed from childcare. Finally, biting can be a painful experience for a young child who depends on a safe and secure environment in which to growth and learn. Children may not only experience feelings of apprehension or fear regarding a child who bites, but may also generalize those feelings to the childcare environment and, ultimately, may lose trust in their caregivers to take care of their basic needs if they continue to experience repeated assaults.

Since biting behavior can be such an emotionally charged issue, communication is critical. For providers, this means being open and up-front with parents regarding the presence of this behavior in the classroom and to provide them with information regarding biting behavior. You can find information on the web to print-out and share with parents regarding biting, including www.preschooleducation.com and www.parent.ivillage.com. As with any behavior, parents and providers need to work together to effectively address biting, as well as to support one another in their efforts to address what, at times, can seem to be an intractable behavior. In additional posts, I will discuss biting and the challenges of working with two year-olds and explore a multi-faceted approach to addressing biting behavior.